letters

You have demonstrated that you have done your research with this assignment. The empirical proofs that you have collected so far are most likely sufficient enough to satisfy the required amount. I like your first three paragraphs in that they provide quotes and descriptions, which helps me visualize the particular scene you are trying to describe.
I would suggest continuing this style of writing throughout the rest of your paper. Although you do need to include empirical evidence in this essay, I believe Jenna does not want it to be overpowering. You should somehow incorporate this evidence and statistics into creative scenes where you provide sensory descriptions and dialogue.
I know that you are probably journalism major and have gotten into the habit of writing one or two sentence paragraphs, but I think Jenna wants us to practice writing in normal essay paragraphs which are three to five sentences. If you do this, your essay will not be as choppy and will produce a smoother, more pleasant read for your audience. Another thing that might cost you points is citations. Jenna has mentioned before that she is a stickler about MLA format, and if you do not closely follow it the highest grade you will receive is a ‘C’. So, just for the sake of not automatically reducing your grade, I would suggest including MLA citations.
Good luck with the rest of your essay, I’m sure it will turn out fine!

So far I really like your essay. Your voice is well-developed, and your cadence
(I know your big on cadence) carries the essay smoothly and rhythmically. Your
sensory descriptions are nicely crafted and reveal your experience and style as
a writer. What you have written so far is a great foundation for developing and
finishing this essay and I think you?re off to a great start.
There were a couple minor things I noticed that I would suggest improving upon
however. Sometimes you have a tendency to use a certain word, multiple times
within close proximity of each other. An example would be ?manifest?.
Although this isn?t too big of a problem and you probably did it
subconsciously while you were in a rhythm, but it gives an impression to the
reader that this ?not-all-too-common? word is being overused. This in turn
could give mixed signals to your readers, possibly that you?re pretentious
(which you?re not) or that you?re just trying to sound smart in order to
impress them (which you?re not). Since these are not your intentions I would
suggest reconsidering a different word to put in one of its places to avoid
wrong implications.
Another thing I noticed occurred at the end of your first paragraph where you
stated ?When you think of libraries, that's what you imagine.? This phrase
sounds too forceful, and implies that every single one of your readers holds
the same opinion, or perspective (the one that you described prior to this
sentence) about libraries, when it is probably not the case. However, even if
it was so, this phrase still gives the impression to readers that you are
telling them what think, which in effect could cause them to get defensive and
disengage themselves from your story. I would suggest rewording this phrase
somehow, possibly not using the second person, or using it subtlety.
Overall, your story was great. Like a I mentioned before, I was really impressed
with your sensory descriptions and think you have a canny, natural ability as a
writer. Keep up the good work. Good Luck!