reflection (this is for yesterday I couldn't get to it yesterday)

Reflection on my essay 2

I doubt this paper is any good at all because of its lack of focus. In the essay, I tried to capture the issue: “The lethality of group silence” by describing the funeral of a friend who died of heroin. And during that funeral, I recollected on an event that happened prior to it where a kid got jumped in the middele of school, and no one did anything to help him. Although I feel these are two good events to write about, including both of them into one paper probably distracted my paper’s clarity and possibly could have confused the reader as to what the purpose of the essay is. Another thing wrong with my paper is how I chose to introduce my friends addiction so late in the paper (thrid page). It should have been the very first thing I introduced because since it came in so late, it could give the reader the impression that its not that important of an issue, or topic. Also I may have had some long, awkward sentences that I could have fixed.

I bleive this is the best paper I’ve ever written because of how I heavily employed the aspect of “show versus tell” throughout the paper. I did a great job at recreating key scenes with sensory details and dialouge, and feel it gave my paper a good vibe. Another thing I like is my use of metaphors, such as the thunder, and even how I used the fight as a metaphor too. I also think my voice is very strong with how I used repetion, started off sentences with conjunctions, and internal dialouge.

I think Jenna will appriciate how I tried to use “show versus tell” a lot throughout my paper, but think she believes I could have done it better in some spots. I also think I could have better connected the crowd during the fight and the crowd at the funeral home better to show their similiarites (beucae they were essentailly the same crowd) I also think Jenna will think some of my sentences tend to run on, and are sometimes awkward. However, I think she will appriciate my attempt at establishing a new or stronger voice, with how I used repetiion for cadence, started sentences of with conjunctions for a sense of urgency, and used internal dialouge to lower distance between me and my audience.

I agree with Jenna’s take on my paper

Throughout my essay I tried to stay away from unnessecary verbose words that can be jarring and out of place at times. I feel in my last essay I had too many of them, and they did nothing but disrupt my voice and the flow of my paper. I also tried to improve my voice as I above mentioned.